The Abominal Snowman

Frosty's enemy is wrecking havoc here. Remember those signs of spring and summer from my earlier posts....those poor birds are totally confused right now. We have at least 4 inches of fresh snow in our yard!!!! Unbelievable and depressing! I took Monkey up to my friend's in-laws, so I could go to my eye appointment and they probably had at least 6 inches of the white stuff....ugh!!! Now we have to do the whole ugly, sloppy melting stage again. We'll eventually get to have spring stay for good and leave winter to hide its ugly face for good. Sooner rather than later, Mother Nature??

Bzzz.....

Another sign of summer to come but not a welcome one. Giant mosquitoes!! Not even May, and they are already eating my forehead!! Ugh!! I'll have to make sure and protect my little Monkey now!!

Overstaffed

God answered my prayers tonight. My little Monkey was having a horrible time adjusting to his Grandma, and Mommy was suppose to be leaving to go to work. He was crying so hard that I couldn't get him calmed down. I was thinking to myself "Why?". Why am I doing thing? His Daddy wasn't going to be coming home tonight because he had to work really, really late, so he was going to be with Grandma all night. Please let them be okay together. I couldn't stand that I had to leave him so miserable like this. It was killing me.

Then the phone rang, and the sweet voice of one of my supervisors was on the other end. "Would you like an overstaff?" Are you kidding, of course I would take an overstaff. For those of you not familiar with working in a hospital, you can be overstaffed if there is more staff then needed on the floor.....meaning your patient census is low. I was the lucky dog who was given the shot to stay home!! Yea!!! So Grandma, Monkey, and I went on a walk to continue to try to get him familiar with her. Now I'm sitting on the couch watching "American Idol" and thanking God for answering my prayer.

Two signs from overhead!

Summer is officially on its way!! Today I witnessed two definite signs that we're headed that way.

1. The cry of a seagull.
2. Three beautiful sandhill cranes flying above us while we were out enjoying 53 degrees!!

The birds are back...keep that sunshine coming!!

Ahhh...sleep!

Yesterday was a big day. Not only did our little man roll over, but he must have been so tuckered out from playing and talking that he decided to sleep 11 hours last night! Let me repeat that..... ELEVEN HOURS!! From 10 PM until 9 AM! It was heaven to stay in my bed for that long. Except to get up and pump at 4 AM (b/c otherwise I was going to burst at the seams), I did not get out of my bed!! Hopefully, he'll repeat for my husband tonight while I'm at work!! Life is good!

It's a roll over!!

Couldn't have been more perfect. We were talking to my sister on Skype this afternoon. I decided to show her how well Monkey was doing on his tummy. I set him on the floor, and within 30 seconds, he had rolled over for the first time!! I was completely shocked and elated!! He hadn't even been showing signs of attempting to roll over. Just went right for it!! And even better, my sister got to witness it!! She lives way down in KC, MO, so she was pretty excited to witness a first!! Yea Monkey!! He has really blossomed in the last few days. He is picking things up on his own; reaching and holding onto his activity mat toys; trying in earnest to sit up on his own. Tonight in the car, he must have realized his bink was sitting in his lap b/c I watched him concentrate on reaching for it and grabbing it by the nipple. He then brought it up to his mouth and looked like he was trying to put it in his mouth but couldn't figure it out b/c the nipple was in his hand. Too cute!!! I love it!! He is becoming such a little individual. This afternoon he was testing out his vocal cords to see how loud he could scream. It was pretty funny!! What a big day!!

Do you ever cheat?

We were over at Melinda's yesterday visiting her and Kaden, her son. My little monkey was getting tired, so I had him in my arms where he promptly fell asleep. He'd been playing hard, so he was out hard and fast. Not usual for him. Typically, we snuggle for a few minutes with the bink and blanket while we are rocking. Then I lay him down before he is asleep, so he can soothe himself to sleep. Like everything tells you to do, so they don't get use to falling asleep in your arms and can put themselves to sleep on their own. It usually works pretty well, and we don't have to go in again. Unless the stinking bink falls out of his mouth and he still is awake enough to want it and then we end up back in there before he gets into an all out fuss (this is a whole other issue in and of itself).

Needless to say, it'd been a while since I'd let myself hold him in my arms and watch the peaceful drift into the land of sweet dreams. We were quietly giggling over his sleepy smiles (you know, the ones they do as they are falling asleep that you thought were the best thing since sliced bread when their a newborn because it's a glimpse into the future of real everyday smiles). His little head was starting to get heavy and his neck was relaxing. Then his little mouth fell open, and he looked so peaceful.

Mel asked me if I ever hold him while he's sleeping. Nope, I always put him down. "Do you ever cheat?", she asked. No I answered, but thought to myself, how unfortunate that is. To miss all of what I'd just described not to mention the feeling of having the joy of your life snuggled in your arms fast asleep. I decided it wouldn't hurt to break habit every once in a while. These moments will be gone before long, and I'll never be able to get them back.

So this morning I cheated. I snuggled my little monkey in and let him drift away in my arms. Then we stayed snuggled in and took a nap together. We both woke up with smiles on our faces!! Bliss!!! One time I'm proud to admit that I don't feel guilty for cheating!!

A long night!!

I made it through my first night of work. It was a tearful drive in, but once I got there, it was back to the grind again. I remembered how to be a nurse, and God blessed me with a wonderful but busy group of patients. I love my little old ladies!! It was fun to see everyone and share pictures of our chunky Monkey!! I was steady busy. Not enough to feel like I was drowning, but enough to keep my mind off home. I was able to pump 3 times. I thought this was enough, but I was sadly mistaken when I got home.

Unfortunately, my MIL had heated up a bottle right as I walked in the door because little man was starting to wake up. I went to go wake him up, and she beat me there because she wanted to make sure he was okay with her in the morning. I love her dearly, but any other morning this would have been fine...not my first morning after going back to work. I wanted and needed to see his sleepy little smile. Then she started to feed him the bottle before I had an opportunity to set all my stuff down and love on him. I felt like my boobs were going to explode. I was able to get him to eat a little off me, but by then, my right boob was engorged. I couldn't get my milk to let down. Instead of laying down and getting some much needed shut-eye with my little man, I spent an hour and a half unblocking my boob....a hot shower, heating pad, warm compress after warm compress, multiple pumping attempts, and not so comfortable boob massage....ahh finally relief in the form of milk filling up my pump bottle. That's something I don't care to have happen ever again.

It wasn't such a good night for my husband. He got about 2 hours of sleep because the little man was not a happy camper. He had gas cramps really bad which made him cry. This in turn leads to more air swallowing and a longer and longer night. I feel bad for both of them. Frustrations were high. The "I" in CONSTRUCTION that I have spelled above his crib is missing because it fell off the wall when the door got slammed. Yikes!! I feel sorry for my husband because he didn't have any relief. It's gotta go up from here for him though. The nights will get better!!

All-in-all, it was a good night for half the party! We survived and that's what matters. We're living and breathing to tell about it. And I was able to get a 3 hour nap today with the little one....even though I had to convince him to keep napping by bringing him to bed with me. Oh well....you do what you gotta do!! The next big night is Saturday!! I'm praying already!!

D-day

Tonight is the night. I go back to work. Ugh!! I'm not looking forward to leaving my little monkey. I cried at bedtime last night because I know I'm going to be missing 2 bedtimes and 2 wake-ups a week. Makes me sad. Those are 2 of my favorite times of day. But he will get extra bonding time with his Daddy. I wish I could be a mouse in the house to see how they interact!!! My MIL is watching him during our crossover time of him getting home from work and me leaving and vice versa in the morning. Little man isn't too fond of her right now because of the stranger danger thing, so I hope he's not crying when I have to leave. I'm not sure how it's all gonna go. I hope to be able to nurse him before I go, so then I can stay on his regular feeding schedule for pumping tonight at work. Wish me luck!!

PS. Yesterday went great for me and for Daddy. I was gone for 7 hours and came home with pretty toes and new shoes for me and Monkey. I knew it was time to go home for sure when the crying babies in the mall were making my milk let-down and making me long for baby snuggles. He was excited to see me when I got home which was a welcome feeling and made it for sure worth it.

Girl Time

I'm going into town to meet my friend, Melinda, for a baby-free afternoon. She has a 2 year-old son. I'm excited, but in a way, wish my husband had planned this for me last weekend. I start work tomorrow night, and I'm trying to soak up all the little monkey time I can get. My husband was going to come in with me and hang out with Melinda's husband, but he has decided he wants to stay at home and deal. You see, this is his first time being alone for an extended period of time with our little man too. He doesn't want to be in a different place if our little one decides to not like what's going on. I can't blame him. It just makes me nervous because I will be an hour from home. Things will be okay though. And it will be good for me to be away and miss my little man. Stay tuned for updates!!

5 Positives for the Week

1. The snow that came this week is trying to melt away, which means the sun has been out for 2 days now.

2. Our little man didn't cry during his bath last night for the first time in his short little 3 month life.

3. I've survived my first Mommy meltdown this week (and so did everyone else).

4. I've had 3 1/2 wonderful months off work to begin our little man's life.

5. For dinner last night, I had a bowl of cheerios, a piece of cheesecake, and popcorn. My husband had 4 bowls of Cocoa Krispies!! Makes you feel like your in college again!!

Hair Scare!

Was I absolutely crazy thinking I could take a 3 month old with me to get my hair cut? Yep!! I just wanted Michelle, my hairstylist, to be able to see the little monkey. All started out good but half way through the hair washing he started to fuss. By the end, he was in an all out panic attack, and I was dripping all over the place. I tried everything to get him to call down including nursing under a cape....ever try it.....it's a circus act. Needless to say, my one indulgence in life was cut way short. My appointment was at 2:30 and we were in the car and on the road by 2:50. Normally, I get to indulge for an hour. After Michelle so graciously chased my head around with the scissors we packed up wet head and screaming boy. No blow dryer (although that probably would've helped....ahhh, the white noise), no flat iron (and let me tell you, besides the head massage, which I also didn't get this time, that is what i look forward to the most because I never attempt to straighten this curly head on my own), no payment, no schedule for next time, no catching up on Michelle's pregnancy. Just tears and soppy hair. I think we have a bit of stranger danger on our hands with the little man. He did the same thing at Bunko the night before. Always something to keep his Mommy on her toes. Just looking forward to the next appointment that I better schedule now while I'm writing about it....or my Mommy brain won't remember until 4 weeks from now.

Green Fluff

Lately our deck has been in a constant state of green fluff. You might ask where is the green fluff coming from since the previous post showed our yard swimming in white fluff. It comes from inside doggy pillows. Yep, we have a goofy yellow lab, Sam, who loves to infuriate my husband by continuing to chew holes in their dog pillows. One might ask "why not take the pillows away?". We tried that and then felt utterly sorry for them and didn't feel like punishing our chocolate lab, Shiloh, for Sam's recklessness. My husband even went as far as screwing them to the doghouse floor. You guessed it, two days later Sam had one of them pulled out of the pillow case and was laying on it out in the yard. My husband wasn't amused. I thought it was kinda ingenious of him considering spot where he wanted to lay was an ice patch and that made it more comfortable!! How can you be mad at a goofy doggy face? We succumbed to putting the pillows on the deck, which means we constantly have green fluff floating out of all the holes. My husband thinks I should sew up the hole. I on the other hand don't really want dog hair and drool infested pillows going through my machine. Oh well!! So is life for now!!

What Happened to Spring?

Two days ago we didn't have any snow in our backyard, and we were taking walks everyday. Are you playing a cruel joke Mother Nature? Yes, we live in Alaska, but it's not very nice to tease with Spring and then do this. Ugh!!!

Clean Ring

So the other day I asked my husband to switch the laundry while I went into feed the little man. I heard him get up and go to the dryer, and then come walking toward the bedroom:

Hubby: Look what I found in the dryer. (Holding up his work cell phone.)
Me: Oops, I swear I checked all your pockets because that's where I found the Home Depot receipt. Shit, I'm truly losing my mind.
Hubby: Don't worry, I'll take it apart and see if I can dry it out.
Me: Obviously, I already did that for you by putting it through the washer and dryer.

Fast forward to later in the day:

Hubby: How come you never wash your phone? (This is the third cell phone of his I have washed. It's been a couple years since I've done it though.)
Me: Because I don't put my phone in my pant pocket, and I make sure my pockets are empty before I put my clothes in the dirty laundry basket.
Hubby: Hmm!

Needless to say, the phone only worked occasionally, and he came out ahead. He showed up the next day from work with a new phone, the Krazer. The thing actually talks to you! What will they come up with next!!

Major Meltdown

Yesterday my little man turned 3 months old, and I celebrated by having a major meltdown that afternoon. I just couldn't take the fussing and crying any longer, and to put it bluntly, I freaked. Scared myself so bad that I got on the phone to my Mom (who unfortunately lives 1000s of miles from me) to cry my frustrations out. We hooked up the webcam, so she could talk to him. Of course, he was cooing and happy by then. I don't know who I scared more me, my son, or the dogs out on the deck!

Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done. I know everyone tells you that it is, but it's not a belief until your in it. I swore I was going to have this perfect (or at least close to perfect) experience, and the last 3 months have been the hardest 3 months of my entire life. I've never felt so unsure of my actions at times like I have being a mom. He's not the easy baby that I dreamed of. I love him dearly, but he is definitely a challenge at times. So much so that I'm sad to right now that I have no idea when I'll be ready to have another.

I know it will all pass, and I'll forget it all....blah, blah, blah.....like everyone keeps saying. I've started to just keep my feelings wrapped up inside because I'm tired of listening to the same patronizing advice over and over again....sorry if that sounds crude. I go back to work in 5 days, and I'm scared to death. I'm scared to leave him. I'm nervous for my husband that our little man will have a bad night or decide not to take the bottle again, and my husband's patience level will wane. Thank goodness he has help in his parents just 5 miles down the road, but it's a whole different ballgame in the middle of the night as opposed to the mid of the day. I'm afraid my milk supply will weaken because I know I'm going to be exhausted after being up all night and trying to slip sleep in the next day when my son naps for only 30-45 minutes at a time. I'm going to miss our bedtime and our wake up routine in the morning. Ugh!! I'm sure the drive in Monday night is going to be a wet one for me. God thank you for all the supportive co-workers I will have at least.

My husband must have sensed my urgency and frustration on the phone last night because he called back 15 minutes later to tell me to be ready to leave when he got home last night. He didn't care what I did. I was just to go do it by myself. (Side note: Hubby has never been left at home with our little monkey yet...don't ask!!) So I promptly got into my car and drove to Sears to make a 3 month picture appt. Then I went to the grocery store. It was so nice to be able to push the cart without having to peer around sides of the car seat to make sure you weren't going to run over some innocent bystander. I then went to grab pizza and dropped some thank yous in the mailbox at the post office. I felt halfway liberated at least.

During my outing, my friend called to see what I had planned this weekend....did I have time for a girlfriend day? I told her I'd talk to my husband and find out what the plans were. Little did I know that he had already called and talked to her. He had set up for us to have a girl day. Hallelujah!!! So he REALLY sensed the urgency in my voice. Because I didn't even hint toward this at all. I couldn't ask for a better treat right now.

I feel a bit better about myself today! I at least feel like I can tackle monkey's crankiness today and not feel like I'm going to explode. I think Sunday will be good for me. It's going to get me out with a fellow mom, and I'll be able to miss my little man. I think it will make me a better mom to miss him. And him and his dad will do fine together. They'll watch NASCAR and whatever else is on the boob tube (and my son will be okay for watching TV all day with his dad). They'll play "Standy Up" and probably let the puppy's roll on the carpet, since Mom won't be there to say "Get on your blanket!" The world will continue to revolve on its axis, and I'll hopefully come home with prettier toes and a refreshed outlook on Mommyhood.

Your Birth Story in 6 Words.

So I'm ripping this from the Daily Babble I read today. A challenge to describe your birth experience in 6 words or less. Some examples from the article:

"planned natural, hit 7, drugs please"

"mom planned, God laughed, baby smiled!"

"Front seat, 60mph, early morning, WOW!"

"Nurse insists it's worth it. Correct."

Here's mine: "pushed three hours, frustrated, c-section, amazed!!"

I know not many read this blog right now, but I challenge you Moms who do!!!

Losing my mind...

So I keep waking up to my son fussing on the monitor and then searching for him all over in bed. Mind you, he has never slept in bed with us. It happened for like the fourth time in a week last night, and I about tore my husband's arm off looking for him. Only to eventually come to my senses and realize he is not crying in my bed but snug safely in his bed. Am I going crazy? I think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me. Maybe the reason I found the hand mixer in the refrigerator this afternoon when I went to get the milk out. I must have put it there on my way to the pantry!! Thank goodness God screws our head on tightly to our shoulders!!

A dreaded sound

Last night I laid my little man on the couch on the same pillow I always have squashed up against the back cushion like I always do, so my husband and I could go clean up the kitchen. We weren't in there for longer than 2 minutes when we heard a horrible "thud", and we both looked at each with a look of terror in our eyes. We dropped everything and ran for the couch as the screaming started. My heart dropped to my stomach as we rounded the couch and found him lying on the floor. Jeff scooped him up and began to try to console him while checking him to make sure all was okay. I was a crying fool and all I could say was "I'm sorry baby". Through all the colicky nights, we never heard him cry like this. He couldn't catch his breath. When he was finally calmed down, he had those crying hiccups....my poor, sweet little man!

You're Momma felt like the most horrible Momma on the planet. How could I be so dumb? How could I let my little one get set up to hurt himself? How could I ever forgive myself if something bad were to come of this? So then the nurse in me comes alive, and I'm feeling him all over to see if he cries out, checking his pupils, looking for clear or bloody fluid from his orifices, and feeling his head. Nothing that we could see was acutely wrong. Thank goodness, Jeff was home with me. He was able to keep his composure for us. "It won't be the last time he gets hurt," he says. Ugh, just the beginning of many bumps and bruises for our little boy. I just hope that none are Momma induced. The only good thing about this is that he can roll now with a little help from a pillow at an incline. No more couch time by himself!