One

Sweetest Nick~

I still remember the day we met you like it was yesterday. You were coming whether I was ready or not (and, no, I wasn't ready...but I got ready real quick). You wanted your own day and not one that had been picked for you. Granting your Momma her surprise that she loves so much. There wasn't a moment to slow down and think about what was happening.

Before we knew it, we were in that operating room just praying for you to take that first sweet breath and show us what your beautiful voice sounded like. This time, though, you took your own time (a little too much time as far as we were concerned), but then you let go the most beautiful sound a Momma ever hears. That first cry of wonderment! And fall, oh did we fall for you sweet boy! It's unbelievable the rush of love I had for you. Takes my breath away just thinking about it.


Photo by S. Jordan Photography

You had (and still have) the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen. From that first moment, you have never stopped taking it all in. Your eyes are certainly the window to your soul my sweet boy. And what a beautiful and sunny soul that is!

I remember your Daddy saying, when it was just the four of us alone for the first time, that he really felt like we were a complete family now. Us and our two boys. Could life get any better than this? You completed our circle of love.

You have been the glue that this family needed. God knew what we needed when he hand picked you for our family. You are the laid back one. The go-with-the-flow one. You don't complain when your naps get all outta wack. You are content to stand back and let your brother roar through life in front of you. You are willing to sit back and take it all in.

We were way more relaxed this time. Your personality is evidence of that. You still haven't met a stranger. Always eager to flash that big grin and jabber your way into the heart of anyone who meets you. There is a sparkle about you....all the time.

A part of me feels sorry for how you sometimes get the second limelight. For all the toys that get snatched out of your hands. For the times you get bowled over by a rambunctious, yet fun loving older brother. For the books that haven't gotten read to you. For the clothes that weren't brand spankin' new. For the times you have to wait while I avert my attention to another "pressing" matter. But, in my heart, I know that all these moments are making you even stronger. Even more ready to conquer the world.

And conquer the world is what you are going to do. For you are going to do great things, Littlest One. Part of me can't wait to see the man you become. The compassion you will give. The spirit you will spread. The love you will give.

You are my peace and serenity. My little slice of Heaven. For now, I just want to watch you grow. To continue to enjoy every little moment you encounter.

Sweet wishes Baby Nick on this first of many grand birthdays!
We love you so!

Maybe

~Maybe it's because summer is coming to a screeching halt and fall is fast approaching...made evident by all the freshly fallen leaves in my driveway yesterday morning.

~Maybe it's the 28 consecutive days of rain.

~Maybe it's that my sweet, sweet baby boy is turning one (yes, turning one) this week. Where o' where has the last year gone.

~Maybe it's that my biggest sweet boy is continuing to challenge my every action or word, and then rewarding me with sweet nothings when I lay with him at night talking about the day.

~Maybe it's that Jeff's schedule is really starting to get to me. Trying to stay glass half -full but my glass is tipping to the half-empty side more and more lately.

~Maybe it's that I've felt like someone inserted razor blades in my throat this weekend for the 2nd time in TWO weeks......so much that I can barely swallow my own saliva. Sorry, TMI.

~Maybe it's the family and friends so far away creeping in on me. Always happens about this time after I come home from a long trip back home (did ya get that).

~Maybe it's that I'm so tired of trying to explain to my boy where his Daddy is at (I want Daddy to come home to my house!) and trying to explaining to a 2 year old how many more days before he gets home.

~Maybe it's getting that wonderful Daddy home only to have him leave 5 days later to go hunt the elusive moose. Watching him kiss his boys good-bye and leave with red eyes because he knows that his heart is not with the moose but with his two little sprites that he doesn't get to see enough. Going with his Dad to share that rare father-son bonding.

~Maybe, just maybe, this is why I'm so teary and not myself lately. Wasn't trying to go for a sob story here. Just kinda happened. I don't want pity. I just want some answers. I don't know that there are any good, easy answers though. And, maybe, that's the toughest part.

High Five

Alot of "out of the mouth of Gabe" lately, but seriously, this kid has been a crack up!

After checking out at Target Saturday morning, I needed to use the bathroom. So I drag both boys with me and venture down to the big stall. I'm sitting on the toilet with Nick on my lap (yes, the things we mommy's do), and Gabe wondering around the stall. He comes up next to me, looks in the back of the toilet, and says "yeah, you did big poopy Mommy. Gimme a high five (because it's been high fives all around at our house for FIVE days in a row)!"

So, as I'm juggling an 11 month old on my lap and handing out high fives, I'm secretly thanking the potty Gods that it's 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday, and we are the only ones in the bathroom to get the broadcast on my potty escapade!!

Sneak Peak

Really Expensive Toes

Spa Pedicure: $40

Pampering minus the boys: priceless (and much needed)

Backing into somebody in the parking after being recharged and refreshed: $$$$$ (well worth an "oh s*%t" when I heard the thump and a "f*%k" when I looked in the rear view mirror and say a six inch piece of my bumper wedged under the rim of her hubcap)

Needless to say, it was not the ending I had envisioned to my morning that was suppose to be focused on beautifying my sadly neglected feet. Instead it became a morning about punching six inch holes in my bumper and making me feel like the biggest idiot!! Thankfully, she didn't even act like she cared (double thankfully, I only scratched her hubcap). Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure my insurance is going to care.

In Hubby's words, "it's just a car. nobody was hurt. and that's why we have insurance." Eased the wounded pride a wee bit.

Under Construction

Just playing with the layout. Not what I want at all. But it's time for dinner, so I'm sure it will look like this for another few weeks until I find more time to play and tweek it.

Bye Mommy

We were just playing outside when the raindrops, again, started to fall. Our little neighbor boy asked if you wanted to come play at his house, and you promptly turned to me and said "bye Mommy".

I think my breath caught in my throat. All of a sudden I realized that you were growing up too fast. I mean I knew you were growing up and the time was flying, but it all rushed in on me like a fast moving tunnel of water.

After I made sure to remind you to listen to Mr. Jason and told you I loved you (you'd think I never let you out of my site...that you never were across the street with Mason and Carson), you scampered off. Rainboots on. Umbrella over your head. You turned half way up the driveway and said again "bye Mommy" as if you knew I needed to hear your sweet little voice.

And then all of a sudden the raindrops started falling from my eyes.

How did you get so big? Where did my baby go? Just when I think I'm ready for you to keep growing and entering new phases, it all hits me like a monsoon storm. I watched you scuffle all the way up to their house and go inside. The whole time tears falling down my cheeks. Knowing full well I was being silly but couldn't help being caught up in the Mommy moment.

Right there, I made a promise to myself to slow down. To not get so caught up in the moment and the hub bub of life. To stop doing the dishes and give you that magic carpet ride you asked for. To pull out the play doh and finger paints that have been sitting unopened since June. To make another rock pile and race your monster trucks until we have dusty bums and dirt caked under our fingernails. To let dinner wait and watch you race round and round on your tractor because you said "Mommy want to watch me"!

You humble me Gabe. Just the littlest of moments. You stopped me and made me find my breath. Just something as simple as that made me get all mommamotional. Stay little a little longer. I enjoy it too much for it to go so fast!

Why?

You: Where's Uncle Trent?
Me: In Minnesota.
You: Why?
Me: Because the boys are in a hockey tournament.
You: Why?
Me: Because their team flew on a big airplane to go play hockey down close to Grandma and Grandpa K.
You: Why?
Me: Because they REALLY like to play hockey.
You: Why?
Me: Because it's fun!
You: Why?
Me: Don't you think playing hockey is fun?
You: Silence.....yep.........GOAL!!!

So the "why" stage has officially started............I'm trying not to end these conversations with "because I said so"!!!!