How Ironic

I'm a nurse. A nurse who has worked the night shift for five years. A nurse who once loved to work the night shift. For the extra money. For the lack of doctors, hospital big wigs (because believe me, they DO NOT come in to visit and see how the other half of the day runs in their hospital), therapists, nutritionists, case managers, pharmacists, cleaning crew members, and all the other people who run around clouding the front desk, hallways, stealing your patient charts, and just plain get in the way.

I loved the night shift for the simplicity of things. For the extra one-on-one time you found for your patients. For those middle of the night stories that they finally had time to tell someone b/c you weren't off and running to the next patient dilemma. For the night shift nurses. A more laid back, go with the flow nurse. A younger crew to work with b/c most of us know, the newbies get the night shift to start their career. For the older nurses who work the night shift b/c they're the "cool" nurses who have worked the night shift for upteen million years and are so laid back and gel with us young ones!

For my supervisor, Eva, whom I will cherish forever. She's like a momma hen and we're all her chicks, whether we're fresh out of school at 21 or over 50 like Angel (aka. Grandpa). She makes it all special for us.....birthdays, holidays, weddings, babies!! Nothing ever goes forgotten. She knows everything about us and doesn't forget a thing. She truly loves us all individually and puts up with so much! She has helped to mold me into the nurse I am today!

That leads me to my struggle. The night shift has finally taken its toll on me! I'm not a lifer like Grandpa or Nora. I know that now. The night shift is making me crazy. It's really hard to work when you have a one-year old at home. It's up at 6:45am with him and down for a morning and afternoon nap. Whether those be 1 or 2 hour naps and then I leave for work at 5:30pm not to return until the next morning at 8:30am and that's only if I have a good night and get out of there on time. Hence, not much sleep is occurring on those days. Thankfully, I'm part-time and only do this two nights a week, but nonetheless, it has taken it's toll on my body, my mind, and my spirit.

My husband says I have changed, which in a way, yes I have. I've become a mother over the last year. That in itself makes for a HUGE change as we all know. But he says, I'm different in other ways. I'm now the one with the short temper and less patience. I don't laugh as much as I used to. I cry much easier, and I want to sleep all the time. I know what you're thinking....I'm pregnant and it's just the hormones.....this started way before the pregnancy.....like last fall.

Sadly, I hate to admit it, but he's right. All I want to do is sleep. My patience with Monkey is less and less, especially now that he doesn't sleep as much (and I don't sleep as much). I'm not crabby alot. It's no fun for anyone, especially my wonderful husband who has gotten the brunt of it and alot of that brunt lately. It's been hard on our relationship the last month.

So I decided something has to change. That being the night shift. I think moving to days will at least give me some sense of normality. I'll live on a normal person's schedule and stop trying to switch back and forth from days to nights. There are some drawbacks. With the 12 hour day and the one hour commute each way, I may not see Monkey on those days b/c I will leave before he wakes and come home after he goes to bed. That kills me and is why I have been dragging my feet to make the change for a few months. I'm an analytical person and if you calculate that out, I potentially won't see him 104 days out of the year.....ugh.....it makes me want to cry to even think the number, let alone see it typed out. But it's hopefully going to bring his Mommy's happy spirit back! It will make me a better Momma, right??? I will appreciate those moments we have more, right??

No, I'm not looking forward to the hubbub of the day shift, but it will work. I'm continuing to tell myself this. And I'm going to continue to wait for the part time position to open up in day surgery where I ultimately would love to work! Fast pace, get 'em in, get 'em out! Ten hour days. No weekends or holidays. I never thought that could exist as a nurse unless I worked a clinic.

So I emailed my manager yesterday morning and told her I was ready to take the plunge on the next schedule. It works perfect b/c she is losing a day shift nurse too. Making two worlds happy!

Ironically enough, we were watching the evening news last night, and one of the stories was about the adverse affects night shifts have on workers. Higher incidence of diabetes, cardiovascular disorders, and obesity. Hmmm, it was like someone was telling me that I made the right decision.

Wish me luck! I'm probably taking the plunge in April. It's going to be for the better for myself and my family. Ultimately, that is the most important decision. I finally stopped and listened to what my heart was telling me and ignored that fact that my brain was telling me I was going to disappoint Eva and my manager, that I was going to not "mesh" well with the day crew, that I was going to miss out on Monkey's days. Those were all excuses for not making the change! Change is good right! That seems to be the theme these days!

Day shift here I come!