Brought It All Back

The House That Built Me
Tom Douglas / Allen Shamblin

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for you
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

This is my new favorite song right now. If you were driving next to me, I would be belting it out as loud as I could. If you were driving next to me the first time I heard it, you would think I was crazy bc I would be singing it loud and crying at the same time. It just brought my childhood back to me.

I only grew up in two different houses. We moved when I was in sixth grade to our second home. The home that my parents built. The home that my mommy and daddy drew plans for and poured concrete for. The house where I learned to play clarinet. The house where we buried our beloved Brandi dog under the mulberry tree.

The house where my brother and I decided to cut the lawn into a smiley face one day. The next summer we made a golf course in the back yard. Where we could go down to the pond and bring baby turtles home. Where we would race the go cart up and down the street until the neighbors complained too much. Where my daddy grew giant pumpkins in the field out back.

The house where I went through all those awkward teenage years. The glasses. The braces. Best friends one month and not the next. The return of my very bestest friend ever. First kisses. First loves. First games. First cars. First dances. Senior prom. Graduation. Those were the days.

My parents have since sold that house and moved on. They sold it one summer while I was in college. I wasn't there when they packed it all up and moved. I was spending my summer up here. Part of me was sad that I wasn't involved with moving, but I didn't dwell on it all that much. Until I returned home for school and my parents lived in a different house. Then it hit me that I didn't really get to say "goodbye". To say the least I was fairly emotional. And it's not like they moved far away. Less than a mile. But it was the closure that I didn't get that will always eat at me.

This last fall we visited my parents back home. Hubby and I took the kiddos trick-or-treating up to the "old" neighborhood. I wasn't going to take them up to the house. Just felt weird to think about walking up that driveway again. But Hubs convinced me to do it and when I got to the end of the street and saw the house sitting up there, I couldn't resist a little walk down memory lane.

I couldn't believe how much the bushes lining the driveway had grown. I remembered watering them all summer the year we planted them and painstakingly weeding them every summer....ugh...that I didn't miss. Now they were well over 6 feet tall. And the trees....huge! The front patio was completely different. They had added a little waterfall and fish pond. Kinda neat! The blinds in the den window were the same though. And when we walked up to the front door, I could see through the living room to the backyard. Dad's tractor was still there.

It was crazy to see someone else come to the door. They seemed to be a happy couple though. I didn't have the heart to tell them this was my house. Just didn't seem right at the time. As I walked away, I wish I would have. Just so I could share a piece of my memories. Ever since that day, I have wanted to go back and see it better. To relive the memories. I know I can't. But I know it would have brought closure.

So when I heard this song for the first time, everything came rushing back. All the memories. It gave me a good, strong foundation. Good memories that will always be there to call on when I need to. I hope that my boys have as fond a memories of their childhood home as I do. I feel like in some ways it made me the person I am today. Maybe not the house itself. But the goings on inside the house.

Strength, love, and support. From the house that built me.