Show & Tell

My best friend over on Life with My Little Ladies is having show & tell today with our purses or diaper bags. Seeing how my diaper bag is my purse at this point in my life, it made for an interesting search. I found out my mouth will always be fresh, my lips always shiny, only one boob can leak if I forget both pads, and my little man better not soak through his onesie onto his outfit. Welcome to my diaper bag:

Inside you'll find wipes, 3 diapers, a onesie, burb cloth, changing pad, pacifier holder with one plug inside that reads "chicks dig me" (already thinking like his father), hide-the-stinky-diaper bags, a zippered case filled with Baby Tylenol, Mylicon, hand sanitizer, Clear Desitin, Q tips, saline, Eucerin lotion, & nose snot sucker, my wallet, 2 year calendar (that is doing me alot of good since I missed my all-too-very-important hair appointment on Tuesday), a pack of Orbit gum, 4 samples of Trident gum, chapstick, 2 tubes of lip gloss, $40 cash (SCORE!!!), Mommy lotion (hence the fruity smell and purple color), 1 nursing pad, 2 mini pads (I frown upon the day I need to start using these again), nail file, and a pen (yes, it actually works). Phoo...that's alot of stuff packed into one bag. Missing was the spare outfit and camera. Kinda fun!! Thanks for the idea!!

Boob Time and TV

I stumbled upon a parent blog, Babble, one day and found it interesting enough to sign up for their Daily Babble emails. I usually find one of their daily topics to be of interest to me. Ironically enough, they usually deal with something I'm doing or pondering. Today being one of those days.

Their topic is breastfeeding and watching TV. The writer received the monthly newsletter from Babycenter.com as do I, and it mentioned that we should only have eyes for our babies while breastfeeding. To not succumb to the distractions around us. Funny enough, I had been having one of those guilty mom moments yesterday as I was catching up on "The Bachelor" (thanks to my DVR). As I was fast forwarding through the commercials (I love being able to do this), I was thinking I was maybe doing my little man a disservice by not paying full attention to him while he was feeding. Even though he was caught somewhere between reality and a milk-induced coma. Probably could have cared less if I was singing to him or dancing on my head. I don't know about you, but that is when I get caught up on some of my phone calls and "American Idol". Don't get me wrong, not every time we are feeding do I busy myself with something else besides my son. But when my little man can eat every 2 hours during the day, this would call for alot of cooing, singing, rhyming, and jabbering to him. Sometimes he likes to eat in peace without his Momma in his face I think.

I cherish these booby moments, but also, realize that all of us are human. I figure I'm not going to permanently damage my son's development by watching a little "American Idol" while he's snacking. Besides, there's music in the background....that's intellectual, right? Although, I don't know if Paula Abdul is that intellectual....now just kidding! At least the article put my guilty mind at ease. I can rest easier knowing that chatting with my best friend or watching a little boob tube isn't the end of the world.

Ahhh....the Caribbean sunshine

We have been MIA for good reason.

Reason #1: A trip to visit my family in Iowa. We stayed with my parents and everyone (ie. my sister, grandparents, all my goofy, lovable aunts and uncles, my best friend) was able to meet our little man. He had a rough go at it though. Thank goodness for tons of wonderful family and many aunts who have endless nights like we had. Gabe cried for multiple hours on many days of the trip, but they loved him and rocked him like there was no tomorrow. They taught us tummy massages and other little tricks. Unfortunately, we had to visit Children's Hospital ER. Thank goodness nothing major...just a hoarse baby voice from crying so much and a prescription for Prevacid to see if that would help. Thank you, thank you for the Rx as we have a much happier baby now!! We miss our Grandpa and Grandma though!! We will see them again over 4th of July!!

Reason #2: Our first family vacation to the Caribbean. Can't think of a better place to be in March. We took a cruise on Royal Caribbean with my husband's family!! Tons of fun but never without drama when you travel with family. Thank goodness we could hide out in our stateroom and disappear from the drama. Our little Alaska baby loved the warm weather. It was the first time he loved having his clothes and diaper changed. He would hang out naked as a jaybird and laugh about it. We were fortunate to have a room with a balcony, so we could fall asleep to the sound of the sea!! It was this week that we started to see a change starting....no more endless crying jags. He cried only if he was hungry, tired, dirty, or bored! Is it the Prevacid, the motion of the ocean, the sound of the water, dare I say the end of the colic stage? Who cares....all that matters is that he is happier and starting to bond better. Him and my husband were able to bond and play together which is priceless. Needless to say, what a wonderful family vacation. Can't wait for the next and the many more to follow.

Reason #3: Back to reality!! Trying to get back to normal after a trip Outside! The laundry and mail were overwhelming. Our dogs were so happy to see us! Our $10,000 backyard finally put to good use....no kenneling for the dogs while we were gone. They could stay in the comfort of their own home, and we were reassured that they were safe and happy while we were gone. Only a little bit of rebellion for leaving them....a torn up doggy pillow, multiple sticks and logs strewn across the snow, and a pile of poop on the deck!! Could be worse!!

So I'm going to try to continue to be better at posting. I really do enjoy getting my thoughts down here. Whether anybody reads them or not, it doesn't matter. Just matters that it's helping me get my thoughts down and out of my head!!

Here's to Spring days ahead, melting snow, longer days, and walks in the afternoon!!

Glimpse of the future...

Tonight may have been a glimpse of what our future is eventually going to be like with our son. Let me preface this by explaining that it is the first night in 4 weeks that he has not cried and screamed his eyes out once. I explained this strange phenomenon to my pediatrician at his 1 month appointment, and how he would start to fuss EVERY night between 6-7 PM since he turned 3 weeks. From the fuss, it turned into an all out crying and screaming marathon. These would last anywhere from 2-4 hours. After which my husband and I would be completely and utterly exhausted both emotionally, mentally, and physically. We did not understand how our sweet baby boy had turned into this crying machine. There is nothing worse in the world than to not be able to soothe your newborn baby. It makes you feel like a complete failure as a parent. We would eventually turn on each other because we were so frustrated and worn out from listening to him cry.

We tried everything. We rocked, walked, bounced, swaddled, shhhed, swung, burped, fed, pumped legs, rubbed tummies, dimmed lights, played music, sang songs, gave Gripe Water (that was one of our worst nights after that), put him in every position possible (other than hang him from his toes), and I've now taken dairy out of my diet for over a week. We got suggestions and opinions from everyone and their brother. When we thought we had something figured out one night, the next night he would pitch a fit over it.

I found myself wishing the months away until we could reach that magic month 3 when it was all suppose to stop (according to everyone). I doubted my abilities as a mother. I had this perfect pregnancy, so I was going to have this "perfect" child. What had I done wrong? Was it because I worked nights and I had screwed up my baby's "rhythm" in utero? Was is the c-section b/c research shows that the chances of colic increase with a section....the baby's GI tract is decompressed like it would have been during a vaginal birth (I couldn't help the c-sec. though)? Was I eating something wrong and making my baby have horrible gas cramps? I was at a loss. Especially when it starting happening during the day too. Then I had people suggesting maybe reflux or MSPI (milk-soy protein intolerance). I was about to scream with all the information I was receiving. It was great but completely overwhelming at one point.

Then there are the people who say "look at the bright side, it's only temorary and it will eventually be gone"!!!!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me? Come over to my house at about 7 PM and walk a mile in our shoes (literally....I think my husband has worn a track through the kitchen and dining room). Then tell me to look at the bright side! I JUST WANTED MY HAPPY BABY BACK!!!!!! And my relationship with my husband to go back to normal....it was strained!! His Daddy thinks his baby boy doesn't like him b/c every time he picks him up he starts into a fit. Not his Daddy's fault, just bad luck and timing that he gets home from work at 7 PM. He never gets to see the small glimpses of a happy boy b/c he is working away. And weekends lately have been just as bad as the nights, except all day long. It breaks my heart to hear my husband say he doesn't want to hold him b/c "all I do is make him mad and cry". My heart shatters to this. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

Then I received this wonderful email from a friend of a friend who showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. This girl is thousands of miles away and we've never met, but we bonded in this email over our experience. She too had a little one with colic. She let me know that it was okay to cry and get frustrated. That it was normal to love this little being so much but to absolutely hate and despise his crying. That the anxiety and the, do I dare say it, depression is normal and most likely short lived. That your love for your child and your husband will pull you through. To hang on to that baby boy and smother him with all the love you can give him b/c THAT is what's going to beat it and pull everyone through. Not to let the impatience and frustration win out. To thank God for this gift and know that God will pull you through. You can't spoil a newborn, so pick him up and love him with everything you have when he cries. That is the help he needs. To smell you and know that you are not leaving him alone to cry in this darkness known as colic. But to know that it's okay if you do have to walk a way for a few minutes when the crying has gotten the best of you and take a breath. Our baby will be okay and we're better parents for walking away and coming back half way refreshed. He will be okay for those few moments alone. That the smiles and the baby oohs and ahhs will pull you through the hard times!!

Our baby was full of smiles and his little baby gibberish tonight. He didn't cry except to tell us he was hungry and had dirty pants. We even went out to dinner with family, and he was an angel. Entertaining everyone with his chubby cheeks and bright eyes. He would crack a grin here and there, and melt everyone's heart. Is this a glimpse of the downhill? Have we tredged our journey uphill fighting the battle all the way and now are cresting toward the top? One can only pray (believe me I have numerous times tonight) and hope for this! If not, I am so thankful for this happy boy tonight. The one who laid on his back for the first time in weeks and entertained himself with his activity gym. His Dad and I can't hardly believe we had this night!! We count our lucky stars for this glimpse of the future!! If tomorrow we are back to crying, we will have this night to look back on and give us the strength to pull through!!

Thank You Vacuum Gods

I've been asking for a new vacuum for 3 years now. I ask my husband every Christmas, but I haven't received one because he thinks it's a lame gift. I have assured him that I would be very happy with this for a gift. We have a very heavy, loud monster of a Dirt Devil right now (or should I say "had"...u see where this is going). I want to chuck it through the window during my last few months of pregnancy b/c it's such a monstrosity. When he started to take the pillow covers off of the dog pillows this weekend to shake out the hair, I suggested maybe he would like to vacuum along with that...hee, hee!! As he started to vacuum, I went to do something in the other room, but the vacuuming stopped about as fast as it started. I, of course, went to go check out what was going on. Only to find my husband down on his hands and knees taking apart the vacuum.

Me: What's wrong?
Him: Did you know the vacuum wasn't working?
Me: I just heard it making noise.
Him: No, the roller head isn't working.
Me: Uh, what do u mean?
Him: Watch...(he starts the vacuum and sticks his finger on the roller head on the bottom and it stops...it's not suppose to do that).
Me: Oh....so now what!
Him: I have to go look for new belts.

Fast forward, the new belts didn't work, and now he is deciphering his next option. I want him to find belts so we don't have to spend the money for a new one, but I'm also secretly hoping he doesn't. The path has opened to New Vacuum Land!!! I tell him later that I'm secretly wanting this to be the end of the Dirt Devil, and he looks at me with his shitty grin...."I figured you were hoping that. Now you can get your Dyson." He knows me too well!! After a search on Consumer Reports for the best vacuum, he arrived home with a Kenmore Progressive Direct Drive vacuum....I LOVE IT! It's the bomb!! And boy were our carpets dirty...who knows how long our old one wasn't working.....thank you vacuum Gods for finally answering my prayers!!!

Thanks but no thanks Uncle Sam

So my husband and I had our taxes done yesterday......which is never a fun day in our book because we always ended up shelling out money. This year being no different than the last except that the amount of money we have to pay the federal government is ridiculous!!! It is nearly double what we paid last year. We get penalized because we "make too much money". Give me a flippin' break!!!! What congress doesn't factor into that "make too much money" category is the fact that what it costs for our family to live here in Alaska is a heck of a lot more than what is takes for say all of my family back in the good ole' Heartland. My brother (who lives in Omaha, NE) and I have the same size house (although his older), and it cost us $100,000 more. I don't get to claim my student loan interest because yep, u guessed it....we "make too much money". And we were told that next year if our income stays the same we don't even get to claim our sweetheart of a son. How ridiculous is that? I think the income levels need to be reevaluated. What used to be a lot of money in this country is no longer. The cost of living continues to increase, and we never see a break for it. Ugh, just frustrated with our system. I know I should be lucky to live where I live.....I am....don't get me wrong. Just entitled to my frustrations and opinions. That's also the beauty of living where we live.

Melt my heart!!

My little man knows how to melt his momma's heart. He did a gigantic grin this morning while I was singing to him and playing with his little round cheeks. His little squeak and smile is enough to send my heart to the moon and back. I love reaching all these little milestones with him. It's usually in the morning after we've ate, changed the diaper, and got into our clothes for the day. Then it's playtime!! This usually consists of nursery rhymes, tickling the belly with raspberries, touching our toes, reading a book, and our most favorite, dancing to the music. Our music of choice this morning was Sugarland's "Everyday America". It has a catchy beat to it that he seems to enjoy. Nothing like dancing with your son. I secretly hope that he continues to like to dance with his Mom!!