Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Getting It
I didn't want it to last so long that you started to get it.
What am I talking about? Daddy's job. The Slope. The two week hitch that he is gone.
You get it. You get it in a big way. You get it in a way I never wanted you to experience.
You know what it means when we tell you the night before Daddy leaves that he has to go to work tomorrow "on an airplane". You know now he's leaving for awhile. Your face falls, and the tears well up. You give a tighter good night hug than you normally would. You are back to constantly asking, over that two weeks, when Daddy is coming home. There was a time where you would quit asking after a few days had gone by. I chalked it up to something that seemed "normal" to you. A Daddy here, a Daddy gone. But I think you were just too little to get it.
What am I saying? You're still little. I just feel like we're making you be a bit more grown up than you should have to be. It's been over a year now that we've been doing this. A third of your little life. A long time.
You have starting saving parts of what we eat for dinner for your Daddy. A few blueberries here. Some crackers for our soup the other night. Half of your cheese slice. "No Mommy, those are for Daddy when he gets home!" And last night in church, your Auntie looked over, and you were crying quietly to yourself. Why? Because you were worried about him and missed him you told her. My. Heart. Breaks. When I got home from work, you told me that you were worried about me at church tonight. That you are so happy to see me!
Again, my heart breaks!
Because when I told you Friday night that I had to work the next day and that Grandma would be here in the morning when you woke up, you started crying and said "No Mommy! Please don't leave on an airplane! I don't want to see you on the computer". After a bit of reassurance, I was able to convince you that I would see you again tomorrow night. That I was not leaving on airplane to go to work. And that I would not have to Skype with you in order to see your face.
I'm sorry little man. I'm sorry you genetically have inherited my guilt and worry gene. You are too little to "worry" about your Mommy and Daddy! I don't know how to make it more right. I keep wishing and hoping that this stage will end soon. That the promises of working in town will ring true and quit being broken. I'm trying with all my power and might to stay strong for the two of you when it's just the three of us. I know that doesn't always happen and for that I am so very, very sorry. But we're trying to make the best of it.
Your Daddy loves you to the end of the Earth and back. Please know that he wants to be here. That hopefully we can make normal come back soon. It makes me so sad to know that you are already "worrying" about us. You should be worrying about which monster truck your going to play with or where you last left Zeeb. Not about whether your Mommy and Daddy are going to come home from work.
That makes my heart heavy little man. I love you so very much! We're going to make this right. I promise.
What am I talking about? Daddy's job. The Slope. The two week hitch that he is gone.
You get it. You get it in a big way. You get it in a way I never wanted you to experience.
You know what it means when we tell you the night before Daddy leaves that he has to go to work tomorrow "on an airplane". You know now he's leaving for awhile. Your face falls, and the tears well up. You give a tighter good night hug than you normally would. You are back to constantly asking, over that two weeks, when Daddy is coming home. There was a time where you would quit asking after a few days had gone by. I chalked it up to something that seemed "normal" to you. A Daddy here, a Daddy gone. But I think you were just too little to get it.
What am I saying? You're still little. I just feel like we're making you be a bit more grown up than you should have to be. It's been over a year now that we've been doing this. A third of your little life. A long time.
You have starting saving parts of what we eat for dinner for your Daddy. A few blueberries here. Some crackers for our soup the other night. Half of your cheese slice. "No Mommy, those are for Daddy when he gets home!" And last night in church, your Auntie looked over, and you were crying quietly to yourself. Why? Because you were worried about him and missed him you told her. My. Heart. Breaks. When I got home from work, you told me that you were worried about me at church tonight. That you are so happy to see me!
Again, my heart breaks!
Because when I told you Friday night that I had to work the next day and that Grandma would be here in the morning when you woke up, you started crying and said "No Mommy! Please don't leave on an airplane! I don't want to see you on the computer". After a bit of reassurance, I was able to convince you that I would see you again tomorrow night. That I was not leaving on airplane to go to work. And that I would not have to Skype with you in order to see your face.
I'm sorry little man. I'm sorry you genetically have inherited my guilt and worry gene. You are too little to "worry" about your Mommy and Daddy! I don't know how to make it more right. I keep wishing and hoping that this stage will end soon. That the promises of working in town will ring true and quit being broken. I'm trying with all my power and might to stay strong for the two of you when it's just the three of us. I know that doesn't always happen and for that I am so very, very sorry. But we're trying to make the best of it.
Your Daddy loves you to the end of the Earth and back. Please know that he wants to be here. That hopefully we can make normal come back soon. It makes me so sad to know that you are already "worrying" about us. You should be worrying about which monster truck your going to play with or where you last left Zeeb. Not about whether your Mommy and Daddy are going to come home from work.
That makes my heart heavy little man. I love you so very much! We're going to make this right. I promise.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Recharge
I dropped the boys at Grandpa and Grandma's this morning and made a bee line for the highway. I was in desperate need of some recharge time, and Anchorage (aka. shopping) was calling my name. When my bff wasn't answering (bc sad to say but the best time to talk to her is in the car, yes driving....sorry, in silence), I cranked me some Miranda and Ingrid with a little bit of Jerrod and Dave in there.
Nobody demanding the "loud song" (dynamite) or "john deere tractor" (big green tractor). No fighting over the water bottle or who was gonna have what monster truck. No heavy equipment book beeping a back up signal. No little feet giving me a "back massage" every 5 minutes. Just me and the music. Heavenly!
First stop, Starbucks (I don't want to admit that I'm addicted bc it's not a cheap addiction but man are their peppermint mochas still calling my name.), where I tried the fat free cinnamon struesel coffee cake. I don't know how that thing is fat free because it was one of the most delicious things I've tasted in a long time. If everything that was fat free tasted that good, the world would be a much happier place.
I had and still have a few gift cards burning a hole through my wallet from bday and xmas, so I found me some Gap Baby and little bit of Gap for me. Then I moved on to Nordstrom where some Uggs and a little bit of M.A.C jumped into my arms. Had a good conversation with another great friend who is always good for providing a few laughs. Then I slowly walked a few blocks back to my car. Enjoying the warm weather and the hub bub of the noon hour.
Found my way to the salon and sat for a much needed hair cut. Nothing like a good shampoo head massage to really make you breath deep. They even had my favorite Bob's peppermints. Ya know...the soft red and white striped ones that melt in your mouth....mmmm.....yummy!
Did a little Valentine shopping for the littles while I picked up milk and yogurt. Spent 20 minutes looking at cards. I swear I could spend an entire afternoon in the card section. Love them! Back outside to a little bit of rain (rain....are u kidding me....it's February.....for the record, i would gladly take all the snow that everyone else is getting). It kinda felt good on my face though!!
As I was driving off, I felt that twinge. My heart saying the recharge was complete. My boys silently calling for their Momma. And off I went. One more loud Miranda. And a need to fill those two empty seats sitting in my rear view mirror.
The grand welcoming is always the best part. The "missed you so much" and slobbery baby kisses. The feeling that I could tackle the rest of the day and the next six to come. The patience restored momentarily. The fondness of the absent heart. The scampering off of little feet. Secure in the fact that their Momma is back. Back with her chin held a little higher and her shoulders back a bit more.
Some call it retail therapy. I call it recharging. Recharging equals a better Mommy. Or maybe just a better or revised outlook. Nevertheless, it was much needed and well worth it! I know my little ones appreciate these days as much as I do!
Nobody demanding the "loud song" (dynamite) or "john deere tractor" (big green tractor). No fighting over the water bottle or who was gonna have what monster truck. No heavy equipment book beeping a back up signal. No little feet giving me a "back massage" every 5 minutes. Just me and the music. Heavenly!
First stop, Starbucks (I don't want to admit that I'm addicted bc it's not a cheap addiction but man are their peppermint mochas still calling my name.), where I tried the fat free cinnamon struesel coffee cake. I don't know how that thing is fat free because it was one of the most delicious things I've tasted in a long time. If everything that was fat free tasted that good, the world would be a much happier place.
I had and still have a few gift cards burning a hole through my wallet from bday and xmas, so I found me some Gap Baby and little bit of Gap for me. Then I moved on to Nordstrom where some Uggs and a little bit of M.A.C jumped into my arms. Had a good conversation with another great friend who is always good for providing a few laughs. Then I slowly walked a few blocks back to my car. Enjoying the warm weather and the hub bub of the noon hour.
Found my way to the salon and sat for a much needed hair cut. Nothing like a good shampoo head massage to really make you breath deep. They even had my favorite Bob's peppermints. Ya know...the soft red and white striped ones that melt in your mouth....mmmm.....yummy!
Did a little Valentine shopping for the littles while I picked up milk and yogurt. Spent 20 minutes looking at cards. I swear I could spend an entire afternoon in the card section. Love them! Back outside to a little bit of rain (rain....are u kidding me....it's February.....for the record, i would gladly take all the snow that everyone else is getting). It kinda felt good on my face though!!
As I was driving off, I felt that twinge. My heart saying the recharge was complete. My boys silently calling for their Momma. And off I went. One more loud Miranda. And a need to fill those two empty seats sitting in my rear view mirror.
The grand welcoming is always the best part. The "missed you so much" and slobbery baby kisses. The feeling that I could tackle the rest of the day and the next six to come. The patience restored momentarily. The fondness of the absent heart. The scampering off of little feet. Secure in the fact that their Momma is back. Back with her chin held a little higher and her shoulders back a bit more.
Some call it retail therapy. I call it recharging. Recharging equals a better Mommy. Or maybe just a better or revised outlook. Nevertheless, it was much needed and well worth it! I know my little ones appreciate these days as much as I do!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Little Moments
Nick brought me a truck today to put back together. He handed it to me and said "de go" (here ya go) which is already too cute. But when I handed it back to him, he smiled and said "da du" (thank you). Umm, cue melting heart. Gush!! It was one of cutest little moments. And he turned back around and grinned at me like he knew he just did something special to make my heart go flip flop! Still makes me grin just thinking about it!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
some random
~I love Super Bowl! Not because I necessarily love pro football (bc for the record I really don't care until the last three weeks of the season or when I'm home and dad is watching the Chiefs) because I'm much more a college football kinda girl. But I love it because we do the same thing every year. We go to the same friends' house and get together with the same wonderful friends that we sometimes only see on this one particular Sunday every year. Because that's the way life is. We grow up, we have kids, we lose track of time, and we realize thank goodness for Super Bowl because otherwise we would never see each other. Crazy but true! And we all pick right back up where we left off. Same stories, same snacks (with a little change here and there), same laughs, same dessert (thank you Justin), same football chip bowl and bottle opener, same $2 a square, take your chances, football grid. Now we've just added a little more rowdiness with the kiddos running around, usually chasing each other with either hockey sticks or trucks in hand. But it's that sameness (yeah, not sure if that's a word or not) that we all look forward to every year! And the comfort of knowing we are really there even when we're not really there. Oh and winning $80 in the fourth quarter this year didn't hurt either!!
~I still haven't posted on Gabe's birthday. I'm a no-good-very-bad Mommy. Not because I haven't started it. It's sitting with all the other started but not finished drafts. Because, one, I haven't been great at the posting lately, and two, I almost can't bring myself to finish it. Where did the last three years go? Why do they go so fast?
~Gabe was leaning over my legs a couple days ago because he had attempted to wipe himself for the first time after going poop (fantastic) and he says "your legs are scratchy Mom". Yes, thank you. I haven't shaved my legs for two days because I had to come running out of the shower yesterday when I thought WWIII was occurring in the bedroom between you and your brother.
~I was checking out at Target the other day and was beyond excited when my coupon (you know, the one that prints off with your receipt) was for a Starbucks latte. I had to hold back and not march straight over for my latte, rather savor it and wait for the right moment of discounted yumminess! My luck I'll end up waiting too long for the perfect moment, and it will expire.....something I would do!!
~If you haven't ever tried retailmenot.com when doing your online shopping, you're missing it. I've saved some serious money and shipping with that. Totally worth it. Wish I had been clued into this nifty tool many moons ago!!
~So I pitched all of Nick's bottles in the trash the other day. We waited way too long to take it away from him and if I didn't throw them away (and for the record, I only through them away because I truly didn't like them but it was what we started him on and he wouldn't switch to anything else...a whole other story), I was going to continue to give him one in my weak moments. And those were not very few and far between. Only problem, he's not a rock star milk drinker from a sippy like his brother was, and I'm a tad neurotic about the amount of milk I think he should be drinking and is not drinking. I can't let it go. I know, I know....he eats cheese, yogurt, etc. But I have this hang up on the milk. But you can't force it. He drink what he wants, right!? Doesn't still mean I can obsess, right?
~Took Nick to the doctor Thursday. He's had a gooey, runny nose/cough on and off for the past six weeks. I kept thinking he was going to kick it on his own. But it just kept hanging on. When I really sat down and figured out when it had all started and that he had been fighting it for six weeks, I felt like a horrible mommy and got him in that morning. Poor little man....he has a sinus infection. Felt so bad. After only three doses of amoxicillin, no more snot or coughing. How horrible did I feel that I didn't take him in sooner!! Sorry little buddy!
~So excited that we are starting to get some more sunlight. The sky was actually starting to lighten up at 8:00 this morning! Whoo hoo! Bring on spring and give me some Vitamin D! More time to play outside after naps! Now if only spring came in March rather than May! I'll take what I can get right now!
~I still haven't posted on Gabe's birthday. I'm a no-good-very-bad Mommy. Not because I haven't started it. It's sitting with all the other started but not finished drafts. Because, one, I haven't been great at the posting lately, and two, I almost can't bring myself to finish it. Where did the last three years go? Why do they go so fast?
~Gabe was leaning over my legs a couple days ago because he had attempted to wipe himself for the first time after going poop (
~I was checking out at Target the other day and was beyond excited when my coupon (you know, the one that prints off with your receipt) was for a Starbucks latte. I had to hold back and not march straight over for my latte, rather savor it and wait for the right moment of discounted yumminess! My luck I'll end up waiting too long for the perfect moment, and it will expire.....something I would do!!
~If you haven't ever tried retailmenot.com when doing your online shopping, you're missing it. I've saved some serious money and shipping with that. Totally worth it. Wish I had been clued into this nifty tool many moons ago!!
~So I pitched all of Nick's bottles in the trash the other day. We waited way too long to take it away from him and if I didn't throw them away (and for the record, I only through them away because I truly didn't like them but it was what we started him on and he wouldn't switch to anything else...a whole other story), I was going to continue to give him one in my weak moments. And those were not very few and far between. Only problem, he's not a rock star milk drinker from a sippy like his brother was, and I'm a tad neurotic about the amount of milk I think he should be drinking and is not drinking. I can't let it go. I know, I know....he eats cheese, yogurt, etc. But I have this hang up on the milk. But you can't force it. He drink what he wants, right!? Doesn't still mean I can obsess, right?
~Took Nick to the doctor Thursday. He's had a gooey, runny nose/cough on and off for the past six weeks. I kept thinking he was going to kick it on his own. But it just kept hanging on. When I really sat down and figured out when it had all started and that he had been fighting it for six weeks, I felt like a horrible mommy and got him in that morning. Poor little man....he has a sinus infection. Felt so bad. After only three doses of amoxicillin, no more snot or coughing. How horrible did I feel that I didn't take him in sooner!! Sorry little buddy!
~So excited that we are starting to get some more sunlight. The sky was actually starting to lighten up at 8:00 this morning! Whoo hoo! Bring on spring and give me some Vitamin D! More time to play outside after naps! Now if only spring came in March rather than May! I'll take what I can get right now!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Giddy Up
We took a field trip with our playschool group to an equestrian center. Gabe was beyond excited to see the horses! Knowing that he was going to get the chance to ride was making me giddy with excitement too! Secretly, I've always dreamed of having my own horse. I'm okay with the fact that it will probably never play out in real life (ie. Hubs is not fond of horses at all....stemming from being bucked off when he was little.). A girl can still dream though!
I wasn't sure if Gabe would want to ride or not. He's not one for being up on stage. He doesn't like a lot of people watching him when he knows it's happening. So, needless to say, I was keeping my fingers crossed for the ride. And boy did he make his Momma proud! He sat up there like it was something he did every day! And talked about it for days!!
He couldn't wait to go back and visit the horses again someday!! Either can I Gabers ;)
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| Waiting for their turn! |
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| Yeah, up in the saddle! |
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| When do we say "giddy up"! |
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| And he's off....not happy or anything :) |
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| I was beaming with pride at this point! |
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| She was such a pretty, gentle horse too! She gave rides to 12 little ones that day! |
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| My little cowboy! |
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| Thanking her with a little carrot love! |
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
13~14~15~16~17
My sweet baby Nick! All your months together! Where does the time go littlest one? You are the sparkle in our lives and the sweet that we needed! Your Momma is so sorry I clumped them all together, but you have rolled with the punches since the day you were born. You shine no less, just want to spend all my time kissing ya instead of here! Without waiting anymore, here you are!!
XOXO,
Your Mommy
13 months
14 months
15 months
16 months
17 months
XOXO,
Your Mommy
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