Decisions

I've had something bugging me for the past month or so. My bestest friend would tell you it's stressing me out too much. I would tell you I'm over-analyzing it and trying to avoid what I avoid best....change.

I'm a nurse. Nurses work 12-hour shifts. My wonderful hubby is a superintendent for an always busy oilfield company. Needless to say, his hours and whereabouts are unpredictable. My mother-in-law has so graciously agreed to watch Monkey for us when we are both at work, which involves being at our house sometimes as early as 5:15 in the morning....ugh. Then she would take Monkey for the day, so I could get some sleep coming off the night-shift.

I've switched to days this week (which by the way has been a wonderful switch for me.....I'm much more rested just in one week), but my husband has also left to work away from home on a 3 week on/3 week off schedule....double ugh. When I first returned to work after maternity leave, I was dreading it. I wanted to stay home and be a Mommy. Not miss out on my little man's day. Being the insurance provider, that wasn't an option though. So I begrudgingly went to work. Lo and behold, I enjoyed my two shifts a week. I could get away and get the adult conversation and know that I was still good at doing something besides being a Mommy. I almost felt a little bit guilty that I enjoyed my time at work so much. But I didn't let that get to me (for once in my life).

Before I switched to days, we asked my MIL if she was stilling willing to watch Monkey b/c it now could potentially be a wake-up to bed time day for the both of them. She was willing. But we also discussed her willingness when the new baby comes, and she was more reluctant. Fine by us. She is suppose to be a Grandma not a day care. We completely respected that decision.

Now with my Hubby gone for such long stretches of time, I started stressing again about whether I should be working again, whether I should look for something in Day Surgery that would give me 10-hour days, whether I should start looking to enroll Monkey in day care now. Lots of decision and so came the tears and stress level with it. Our problem is that there is not a trustworthy day care that operates on our crazy hours. If we had a regular 7-5 work day, life would be easy. But we don't. And in-home day care service scares the begeebers out of me (you always hear all those neglect and abuse stories). I could never put Monkey or our new baby in one without knowing hands down that it was legit.

So I started looking for insurance quotes online to get a rough idea of what we would be looking at if I did have to quit my job. That brought that idea to a screeching halt b/c either they don't cover maternity or you have to be with the plan for 12 months. Ain't happenin'. This baby is coming in 5 months.

All of sudden the stress level disappeared. I knew what we had to do. I have to stay working until this baby comes and then we will reevaluate our needs and wants. Yes, it will be a little stressful and inconvenient when my MIL is gone for 6 weeks starting mid-May and then again starting beginning of August until the baby is born. We'll deal though.

How come I made this such a stress ball for myself? It was that easy. Sometimes I just shake my head at myself and my idiosyncrasies. Decisions have always been killer for me. Thank goodness we always learn something new out of them.

Beautiful and a Bedspread

I was sitting on the couch last night watching E.R. and reading my December Oprah magazine (which, by the way, has some pretty neat gift ideas in it). I kept smelling my Mom. Weird, I know, until I realized that there was a perfume sample for Beautiful by Estee Lauder in the magazine. I couldn't get enough of that smell. It was like having her sitting right there on the couch with us watching TV. It is such a distinct smell to me.....beautiful, I guess.

Then not 15 minutes later there was a scene on E.R. with the bedspread my Mom has in her guest bedroom....crazy coincidence. If it hadn't been 12:30 a.m. back home, I would have called her. Just to tell her that even though she is 1000s of miles away, I felt like at that moment she was right there with me and that I love her. I would give my right arm for my Mom to be able to sit on the couch and watch E.R. with me every Thursday. To play and giggle with Monkey until the grass turns blue. But I can't. I'm slowly getting used to that....SLOWLY being the key word. There's just nothing like a mother's love or a grandparent's love, and I sometimes wish that we were closer to take advantage of that. Soon we will be showered in that love....only 4 weeks until we go home for Christmas.

Until then, I think I'll probably wear out that perfume sample.....

Midnight Dash

I showed up to work tonight and noticed we were heavy on nurses. I quickly put my name in as a "volunteer" to go home if the moment should arise! At midnight, my wish was granted! I gave the quickest report ever, finished up my charting, and dashed for the time clock and elevator before they changed their mind. I didn't even have to go oncall...they overstaffed me completely! Whoo hoo!!

Even better news, my wonderful husband arranged for my sister-in-law to take Monkey for not only Saturday night but also Friday night!! Double whoo hoo! We are "getting away" to Girdwood this weekend to stay at the beautiful Alyeska Resort. We are eating dinner atop the mountain at 7 Glaciers on Friday night, sleeping in, going to a wedding at the resort on Saturday, sleeping in AGAIN, and then going home Sunday to Monkey! I CAN'T WAIT!! We need this weekend so bad. We need to reconnect in a way that I never imagined. I might even have myself a drink or two and really relax this weekend!! Hubby here I come!!

Grandparents

There is nothing sweeter than seeing your son smiling as big as the moon at your parents. The love of a grandparent is remarkable!! We had such a nice visit with my parents. So sad to see them leave! Monkey is changing so fast, and it's sometime hard to swallow that they don't get to experience those changes. Webcam is a blessing though! he loved his Grandma and Grandpa though. My Dad would play with him on the exercise ball....a good game of bouncy, bouncy! Later in the week, Monkey would crawl over to the ball and then look at Dad like "come on, let's play"! It's has always been my dream to see my Dad as a Grandpa. Kids have always gravitated toward him. He just has this gentleness about him!! It's even better than I ever imagined to watch him play with my son! Brings tears to my eyes just writing about it.

And my Mom was playing the role of Grandma to a T. She doted on Monkey like a little boy should be by his Grandma! If he was snuggled once, he was snuggled a million times over. She helped him to overcome his dislike for things slimy and start eating off his tray again....thank goodness!! She loved riding in the car with him because she got to see in the back next to him...I think he secretly loved having company back there too!

They were so much help to me!! I was able relax, go back to bed in the morning, and most importantly, paint my dining room!! It was fabulous!! Couldn't have come at a better time, since my husband is working crazy hours right now. Although, the flipside is that they didn't get to see much of him either.

I can't wait for Christmas and our visit to Mom and Dad's!! We'll get to experience that magical grandparent time again!!