Decisions

I've had something bugging me for the past month or so. My bestest friend would tell you it's stressing me out too much. I would tell you I'm over-analyzing it and trying to avoid what I avoid best....change.

I'm a nurse. Nurses work 12-hour shifts. My wonderful hubby is a superintendent for an always busy oilfield company. Needless to say, his hours and whereabouts are unpredictable. My mother-in-law has so graciously agreed to watch Monkey for us when we are both at work, which involves being at our house sometimes as early as 5:15 in the morning....ugh. Then she would take Monkey for the day, so I could get some sleep coming off the night-shift.

I've switched to days this week (which by the way has been a wonderful switch for me.....I'm much more rested just in one week), but my husband has also left to work away from home on a 3 week on/3 week off schedule....double ugh. When I first returned to work after maternity leave, I was dreading it. I wanted to stay home and be a Mommy. Not miss out on my little man's day. Being the insurance provider, that wasn't an option though. So I begrudgingly went to work. Lo and behold, I enjoyed my two shifts a week. I could get away and get the adult conversation and know that I was still good at doing something besides being a Mommy. I almost felt a little bit guilty that I enjoyed my time at work so much. But I didn't let that get to me (for once in my life).

Before I switched to days, we asked my MIL if she was stilling willing to watch Monkey b/c it now could potentially be a wake-up to bed time day for the both of them. She was willing. But we also discussed her willingness when the new baby comes, and she was more reluctant. Fine by us. She is suppose to be a Grandma not a day care. We completely respected that decision.

Now with my Hubby gone for such long stretches of time, I started stressing again about whether I should be working again, whether I should look for something in Day Surgery that would give me 10-hour days, whether I should start looking to enroll Monkey in day care now. Lots of decision and so came the tears and stress level with it. Our problem is that there is not a trustworthy day care that operates on our crazy hours. If we had a regular 7-5 work day, life would be easy. But we don't. And in-home day care service scares the begeebers out of me (you always hear all those neglect and abuse stories). I could never put Monkey or our new baby in one without knowing hands down that it was legit.

So I started looking for insurance quotes online to get a rough idea of what we would be looking at if I did have to quit my job. That brought that idea to a screeching halt b/c either they don't cover maternity or you have to be with the plan for 12 months. Ain't happenin'. This baby is coming in 5 months.

All of sudden the stress level disappeared. I knew what we had to do. I have to stay working until this baby comes and then we will reevaluate our needs and wants. Yes, it will be a little stressful and inconvenient when my MIL is gone for 6 weeks starting mid-May and then again starting beginning of August until the baby is born. We'll deal though.

How come I made this such a stress ball for myself? It was that easy. Sometimes I just shake my head at myself and my idiosyncrasies. Decisions have always been killer for me. Thank goodness we always learn something new out of them.