Green Fluff

Lately our deck has been in a constant state of green fluff. You might ask where is the green fluff coming from since the previous post showed our yard swimming in white fluff. It comes from inside doggy pillows. Yep, we have a goofy yellow lab, Sam, who loves to infuriate my husband by continuing to chew holes in their dog pillows. One might ask "why not take the pillows away?". We tried that and then felt utterly sorry for them and didn't feel like punishing our chocolate lab, Shiloh, for Sam's recklessness. My husband even went as far as screwing them to the doghouse floor. You guessed it, two days later Sam had one of them pulled out of the pillow case and was laying on it out in the yard. My husband wasn't amused. I thought it was kinda ingenious of him considering spot where he wanted to lay was an ice patch and that made it more comfortable!! How can you be mad at a goofy doggy face? We succumbed to putting the pillows on the deck, which means we constantly have green fluff floating out of all the holes. My husband thinks I should sew up the hole. I on the other hand don't really want dog hair and drool infested pillows going through my machine. Oh well!! So is life for now!!

What Happened to Spring?

Two days ago we didn't have any snow in our backyard, and we were taking walks everyday. Are you playing a cruel joke Mother Nature? Yes, we live in Alaska, but it's not very nice to tease with Spring and then do this. Ugh!!!

Clean Ring

So the other day I asked my husband to switch the laundry while I went into feed the little man. I heard him get up and go to the dryer, and then come walking toward the bedroom:

Hubby: Look what I found in the dryer. (Holding up his work cell phone.)
Me: Oops, I swear I checked all your pockets because that's where I found the Home Depot receipt. Shit, I'm truly losing my mind.
Hubby: Don't worry, I'll take it apart and see if I can dry it out.
Me: Obviously, I already did that for you by putting it through the washer and dryer.

Fast forward to later in the day:

Hubby: How come you never wash your phone? (This is the third cell phone of his I have washed. It's been a couple years since I've done it though.)
Me: Because I don't put my phone in my pant pocket, and I make sure my pockets are empty before I put my clothes in the dirty laundry basket.
Hubby: Hmm!

Needless to say, the phone only worked occasionally, and he came out ahead. He showed up the next day from work with a new phone, the Krazer. The thing actually talks to you! What will they come up with next!!

Major Meltdown

Yesterday my little man turned 3 months old, and I celebrated by having a major meltdown that afternoon. I just couldn't take the fussing and crying any longer, and to put it bluntly, I freaked. Scared myself so bad that I got on the phone to my Mom (who unfortunately lives 1000s of miles from me) to cry my frustrations out. We hooked up the webcam, so she could talk to him. Of course, he was cooing and happy by then. I don't know who I scared more me, my son, or the dogs out on the deck!

Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done. I know everyone tells you that it is, but it's not a belief until your in it. I swore I was going to have this perfect (or at least close to perfect) experience, and the last 3 months have been the hardest 3 months of my entire life. I've never felt so unsure of my actions at times like I have being a mom. He's not the easy baby that I dreamed of. I love him dearly, but he is definitely a challenge at times. So much so that I'm sad to right now that I have no idea when I'll be ready to have another.

I know it will all pass, and I'll forget it all....blah, blah, blah.....like everyone keeps saying. I've started to just keep my feelings wrapped up inside because I'm tired of listening to the same patronizing advice over and over again....sorry if that sounds crude. I go back to work in 5 days, and I'm scared to death. I'm scared to leave him. I'm nervous for my husband that our little man will have a bad night or decide not to take the bottle again, and my husband's patience level will wane. Thank goodness he has help in his parents just 5 miles down the road, but it's a whole different ballgame in the middle of the night as opposed to the mid of the day. I'm afraid my milk supply will weaken because I know I'm going to be exhausted after being up all night and trying to slip sleep in the next day when my son naps for only 30-45 minutes at a time. I'm going to miss our bedtime and our wake up routine in the morning. Ugh!! I'm sure the drive in Monday night is going to be a wet one for me. God thank you for all the supportive co-workers I will have at least.

My husband must have sensed my urgency and frustration on the phone last night because he called back 15 minutes later to tell me to be ready to leave when he got home last night. He didn't care what I did. I was just to go do it by myself. (Side note: Hubby has never been left at home with our little monkey yet...don't ask!!) So I promptly got into my car and drove to Sears to make a 3 month picture appt. Then I went to the grocery store. It was so nice to be able to push the cart without having to peer around sides of the car seat to make sure you weren't going to run over some innocent bystander. I then went to grab pizza and dropped some thank yous in the mailbox at the post office. I felt halfway liberated at least.

During my outing, my friend called to see what I had planned this weekend....did I have time for a girlfriend day? I told her I'd talk to my husband and find out what the plans were. Little did I know that he had already called and talked to her. He had set up for us to have a girl day. Hallelujah!!! So he REALLY sensed the urgency in my voice. Because I didn't even hint toward this at all. I couldn't ask for a better treat right now.

I feel a bit better about myself today! I at least feel like I can tackle monkey's crankiness today and not feel like I'm going to explode. I think Sunday will be good for me. It's going to get me out with a fellow mom, and I'll be able to miss my little man. I think it will make me a better mom to miss him. And him and his dad will do fine together. They'll watch NASCAR and whatever else is on the boob tube (and my son will be okay for watching TV all day with his dad). They'll play "Standy Up" and probably let the puppy's roll on the carpet, since Mom won't be there to say "Get on your blanket!" The world will continue to revolve on its axis, and I'll hopefully come home with prettier toes and a refreshed outlook on Mommyhood.

Your Birth Story in 6 Words.

So I'm ripping this from the Daily Babble I read today. A challenge to describe your birth experience in 6 words or less. Some examples from the article:

"planned natural, hit 7, drugs please"

"mom planned, God laughed, baby smiled!"

"Front seat, 60mph, early morning, WOW!"

"Nurse insists it's worth it. Correct."

Here's mine: "pushed three hours, frustrated, c-section, amazed!!"

I know not many read this blog right now, but I challenge you Moms who do!!!

Losing my mind...

So I keep waking up to my son fussing on the monitor and then searching for him all over in bed. Mind you, he has never slept in bed with us. It happened for like the fourth time in a week last night, and I about tore my husband's arm off looking for him. Only to eventually come to my senses and realize he is not crying in my bed but snug safely in his bed. Am I going crazy? I think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me. Maybe the reason I found the hand mixer in the refrigerator this afternoon when I went to get the milk out. I must have put it there on my way to the pantry!! Thank goodness God screws our head on tightly to our shoulders!!

A dreaded sound

Last night I laid my little man on the couch on the same pillow I always have squashed up against the back cushion like I always do, so my husband and I could go clean up the kitchen. We weren't in there for longer than 2 minutes when we heard a horrible "thud", and we both looked at each with a look of terror in our eyes. We dropped everything and ran for the couch as the screaming started. My heart dropped to my stomach as we rounded the couch and found him lying on the floor. Jeff scooped him up and began to try to console him while checking him to make sure all was okay. I was a crying fool and all I could say was "I'm sorry baby". Through all the colicky nights, we never heard him cry like this. He couldn't catch his breath. When he was finally calmed down, he had those crying hiccups....my poor, sweet little man!

You're Momma felt like the most horrible Momma on the planet. How could I be so dumb? How could I let my little one get set up to hurt himself? How could I ever forgive myself if something bad were to come of this? So then the nurse in me comes alive, and I'm feeling him all over to see if he cries out, checking his pupils, looking for clear or bloody fluid from his orifices, and feeling his head. Nothing that we could see was acutely wrong. Thank goodness, Jeff was home with me. He was able to keep his composure for us. "It won't be the last time he gets hurt," he says. Ugh, just the beginning of many bumps and bruises for our little boy. I just hope that none are Momma induced. The only good thing about this is that he can roll now with a little help from a pillow at an incline. No more couch time by himself!